Are you TOO Responsible?

A key to a champion mind is to be responsible for one’s own life and results.  It’s the attitude of being ’cause’ for everything that goes on in your life – good and bad, rather than pointing the finger and blaming others or having excuses.

This does not mean being responsible for everybody else and feeling you have got to help everybody else before you help yourself.
There are some trains of thought that you are being selfish if you look after yourself as number one.  I heard this story this week-end amongst star retired athletes who went bankrupt as a result of helping out their families. Members of their families didn’t ask for help – they expected it, demanded it or just took it.

This can often happen with windfalls in wealth – whether through sudden stardom or winning the lottery. Other people want their ‘share’ and think the beneficiary can afford it – anything less would be selfish.

You might not be the winner of a big windfall, but do you find family members or friends expect you to help them either with money or with time.  Do you find it hard to say no?  Would you feel selfish if you thought of yourself first?

The thing is, when you don’t look after yourself first, you eventually run out of steam.  You end up bankrupt – financially, emotionally and/or energetically.  The people who can help others the most are those who do look after themselves first.

When you take care of your needs and desires, and even create your own wealth, you are in a much better position to help others, not just short term, but long term -with purpose.
But note, giving money to others is not always helping them.  It’s the classic story of giving a man fish or teaching that man to fish.

Not being able to say ‘no’ to friends and family is enabling others to be dependent on you and takes away their ability to be resourceful.  Everyone can be resourceful and sometimes it takes tough love to teach someone that.

Sometimes it means being unpopular or not being liked, or even making people angry to do what is actually better for them.

I saw a friend of mine going into bigger and bigger debt helping out his parents with a home, rent-free, because he felt he owed them.  Eventually he realised he couldn’t do it any longer, and stopped the arrangement.  His father wasn’t pleased, but my friend is now recovering financially because he took responsibility for his own life and results.

A client was feeling resentful because her family and friends expected her to do all the work or pay the bills.  I pointed out that she did have a choice to say no and to stand up for what she thought was fair.  She has changed and is now much happier standing in her power AND she has better relationships with her family and friends as they too were empowered by her having the strength to set boundaries.

Just think where in your life you could say ‘yes’ to yourself and your own needs a little more.  As a champion mind, be true to what you do want, and most importantly realise you DO have choices. Be okay with upsetting others, instead of upsetting yourself all the time.

I would love to hear your viewpoint on putting yourself first.  Thank you in advance for sharing.