Usually I’m talking about getting your message out with confidence and clarity to connect with your audience. To do that you need to step into your own brilliance, so let’s take a step back and talk about YOU.
You see you’ve got to have you in a ‘good place’ before you can go out and be the inspiration to others. You need to be the change within, before you can make a difference and create change in the world.
So here are a few ‘nettyisms’ (as I like to call them) that are not overtly original but are coming from thoughts inspired from recent conversations with friends, clients and even colleagues.
1. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to admit you are weak and ask for help.
I see and hear so many people be stoic and put on a strong front or mask (and yes, I’m guilty too) thinking they should be able to cope with their problems alone; or embarrassed to have the problem in the first place.
Guess what, we all have problems and often the solution is easier and quicker to find by asking others. There’s no shame in asking for help. You might think you have no-one to turn to but there IS – if you look for it.
I know that my ‘story’ through my volleyball career was that I didn’t get the support from coaches to pursue my dreams. I was looking for the lack of support – and you know you always get what you look for!
Look for the support that you DO have, and the people you can ask for help. If you are not getting support from some people keep looking for people you do connect with. Focus on that, and your support net will widen and your access to solutions get amplified.
2. Sometimes you have to say NO to others in order to say YES to yourself.
I hear friends and clients complain how they are expected to do xyz, or go to a particular event when they don’t have time. I always ask them if they could have said NO, and often the answer is that theoretically they could have said NO, and yes, they should have said NO, BUT…….
The reason people don’t say no when they really should comes down to their own fears and beliefs about saying no. Fear of not being liked, fear of missing out, believing it’s bad to let others down, etc.
The problem is that when you say YES to others out of obligation and fear, then you are saying NO to yourself. Why would you do that??
The solution is to create boundaries (or rules) around what you can or will say yes or no to. Set up some questions to ask yourself before saying yes to someone else. Two great questions to consider are:
- What if I said YES to them? (What’s the cost to me in time and energy?)
- What if I said NO?
It’s not enough to think or say that you ‘should’ say NO, and yet over and over again you find yourself over-committing to others or putting your own nose out of joint to help someone who has actually over-stepped your boundary.
Find some peace (and time) from learning to say no.
3. Sometimes the most important person you can forgive is….YOURSELF
I hear people holding onto resentments from the past and it is crippling them. They don’t want to let go because at some level that resentment has become a convenient excuse for not getting ahead. It’s easier to blame others than to blame your own thinking.
And I don’t want to put the blame on you either. What I do want you to do is to take responsibility for your thinking and thoughts about the past. Byron Katie (I love her Work) says that ““As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless.”
So, yes we need to forgive others – to let go of blame. Once we have done that, we realize that the most important person to forgive is ourselves. To forgive ourselves for making things difficult, for holding onto the past, for causing our own suffering.
I hope that you are reading this and thinking it doesn’t apply to you, that you have nothing to forgive. But just take a moment, and consider in what areas do you give yourself a hard time. Where do you criticize yourself or tell yourself you should be doing something else, or something better?
Cut yourself some slack, and be your own best friend.
These three points are about nurturing yourself at every level.
Notice how none of them refer to somebody else needing to change.
- You can’t make people support and help you……and you can invite it by creating the space and looking for it in the right places.
- You can’t stop people making demands on your time…..and you can influence it by setting boundaries and saying no.
- You can’t expect others to change or to undo the past….and you can change how you think about it.
You need to take care of yourself in all these 3 area if you really want to have the impact you desire. It is an ongoing process to censor your thoughts, review your boundaries and open yourself up to help and support from others.
Remember “You are Brilliant, Dare to Shine!”
Please share with us how you take care of YOU.